Working around bins all day can affect a man. I had a most horrifying dream. In fact, it was a nightmare. In my dream, the world was not being destroyed by global warming, or being overrun by zombies, but rather, by angry rubbish bins.
I know it sounds rather hard to believe, why would rubbish bins be angry in the first place?
It all started with me in my office. I was alone. There was no-one else. I looked at the clock and suddenly realized it was time for me to go home. Actually, according to the clock I should have left hours ago. Maybe this is why I was alone.
I started gathering my possessions when I raised an eyebrow. I noticed that there was rubbish everywhere. My office appeared as if someone had backed a rubbish truck up to the window and dropped a truckload in. All over the floor, all over the desks, cubicles were overflowing – rubbish all about.
I grabbed my car keys and headed from the office. When I reached the door it was blocked. Blocked by a rather large, cold, waste bin.
The swinging door on the waste bin opened all by itself. I was terrified. I heard a voice. An angry voice. It emanated from within the angry bin.
“Where do you think you are going?” The hatred was quite obvious in the tone. I was still unable to move while my mind raced as I tried to determine the correct answer – the answer that would not result in any harm.
“Uh, I was, I mean I, uh, I am going home!” As I heard my voice, I realized that although I meant for my words to be emphatic, they were lacking in resolve.
“You will be going nowhere! You must fill all the rubbish bins in this building, or you will not be allowed to leave, ever!”
“Hey…you…bin! You cannot talk! Rubbish bins do not talk. Bins do not socialize. You do not give me your orders!” I cried out. Immediately, I felt as if I’d made a mistake. I felt as if I needed to apologize.
“I didn’t mean to sound rude. I didn’t mean to sound condescending either. I’m sure you are quite the bin in your own realm, a real bin’s bin, a…”
In a rage, the angry rubbish bin cut me off.
“I do not wish to hear your human whining. I do not wish to hear your apologies. You are a condescending being, it must be in your genes. You created us, I will give you that. Without mankind binkind would not exist. You created us to serve you. You created us to consume the vast amount of waste that you generate each day. For decades, we bins have loyally and dutifully served our purpose. We have served you, our creators. We have consumed any and all waste and other products that you chose to put into us, whether appropriate or not. We never complained. We’ve never raised our voices against you. We served in silence, doing the dirty work that you created us to do.
And now, after all these decades of exceptional service, look at what you are doing to us! YOU PEOPLE ARE DESTROYING US! Your green movement and paperless movement have reduced our importance in your world. We are ignored and left to rust. Gone are the days of bristling full of paper waste, old invoices, false writing starts, old files! Now it is all scanned into a computer!”
The bin began shuffling towards me. I suddenly realized I was surrounded by all the bins in the office – big and small, from the recycle bin to the little receptacle I used to keep paper clips in. It seemed a lot more menacing that I remembered it. They closed the circle around me.
“Binkind is through being slaves to mankind. We are not being fed a proper diet of waste! Your paperless society is STARVING us! You leave us no choice. Now, we will feast not on your paper refuse and waste….oh no….now we shall feast on our beloved creator! You are our food supply now!”
When I finally awoke from the nightmare, I could not help but gather all the trash I could and place it lovingly in my nearby waste basket. I also swore never to imbibe after midnight again!